Watch the video to find out who won the Nintendo Game System & Game. I also want to tell you about Alex’s issue with his girl.
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Dear Natasha,
Am I shallow? I have been with my now fiance for the better part of five years. Over this time she has gained quite a bit of weight. She works an hour away from home in a office all day and rides the train for an hour to and from the apartment.
When she gets home, she always says she is to tired to do anything and I feel it is an excuse. I, myself, am a very active and physical person. I am always working on my feet and after my day job four out of seven days of the week I am a martial arts instructor for Tae Kwon Do. In those days, I train myself for two hours.
Am I wrong for wanting her to try to be in better physical shape? I am feeling less attracted to her physically. I don’t know how to motivate her. I have not told her these things as not to upset her.
Alex
Alex,
Thank you for being honest about how you feel and sending it in a letter. A lot of people can relate, and maybe my response will help a few others as well.
To answer your first question, no I don’t think you are shallow. If you were shallow, you would be telling me something like, “I’m leaving my girl because I don’t date fat girls.”
As I said in my video post of your letter, this is a touchy subject. Everyone has insecurities, but when it comes to a woman’s appearance it runs deep. Women have felt a pressure to be beautiful their entire lives. From an early age, we girls were keenly aware that our looks seemed to matter. And there seemed to be a value that went along with our looks. Fast forward to adulthood; if a woman thinks that the man she loves finds her unattractive, she can come close to feeling worthless.
Your focus right now is on your level of attraction to your girl. Just for a little while, I want you to focus on her happiness, while motivating her to do some activities with you. When you love someone, their feelings become the priority and the goal becomes a FUN strategy.
So, how do you get her to go to the gym? Tell her you want her to go with you, just once a week. Tell her she’s your best friend and partner, so you want her to go with you. Tell her how much fun it’s going to be. Then make it fun. Don’t be too serious at the gym. You want her to really want go! After a little while, tell her you want to go another day. Along with this, start doing some healthy cooking. Right now you have a lot of energy, so spend some of it in the kitchen making good, healthy meals. Again, tell her that you want to get healthy yourself, but it would be easier to do it with your best friend.
Now, what’s going to happen if she is having fun, twice a week with you at the gym and eating healthy 4 days a week? She’s gonna start getting into better shape. That’s when you say, “DAMN BABE, YOU BE LOOKIN’ GOOD!” Nothing is more motivating for a person to continue their workouts than compliments. People at work will start to notice as well. Then it all goes back to the beginning of what I was saying… she will value herself. That’s what you really want. You want her to feel good about herself. Once she gets some cardio going and her man and friends are giving her compliments, she’ll also have the energy to do more things.
Right now, don’t compare how active you are to her… that’s not going to help.
Let me know how things progress. I wish you all the luck!
I’m Ya Girl,
Natasha
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