Dear Natasha,
I need some help understanding WHY.
Not one of my relationships has seen any light of day past six months.
I have never disrespected a woman. I am not abusive verbally or physically. But they all end up leaving saying something like, “It’s not you, it’s me” or “I need to move on.”
They just move on to some guy that’s usually a total jerk. Then I’ll end up seeing them writing about all of their problems on Facebook. But they stay with that guy, even when the guy gets them pregnant and is hardly around.
Is it true that you ladies want to be with an asshole? If so, what about having a nice family. That’s what I can offer. I feel like I should have been dating in the 50’s where ladies wanted to find a good man, ya know?
Help me! I don’t want to date for 6 months and have it lead to nothing again. I want to build towards a future.
Johny D
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Dear Johny D,I appreciate you sharing the letter. I’m sure it was tough to read comments about you, that you felt were mean-spirited. I think you have handled it all very very well.
I’d like to offer some advice that I hope will help! You know I love a good metaphor or analogy. In your case, things are not all bad, because you are IN THE RACE….actually several races!!! You have taken several laps on the track as well. BUT, in the end, you are not winning the race. So, we as your race team have to figure what the problem is!
Again, you are in the race…you are able to get into relationships. FORGET about people dogging your height that I noticed in a couple of comments. It is a non-factor! Think about it. What girl dates a guy for six months and wakes up on day 182 and says, “‘Shit, I just noticed how short you are Johny D! I’m taking my shit and getting the fuck outa here!” There is something else going on. And, it’s probably not the girl….it’s most likely you. Now, you said in one of your comments that you are not going change for anyone. Why not? What if it’s for the better? Let’s say you had a friend…..and that friend never brushed his teeth or didn’t like to shower before climbing in bed with a girl. If the result was, no girl wanted to kiss and cuddle with him, wouldn’t you, as a friend, recommend that he make a change? And if he said, ” No, I’m not changing for anyone” you’d probably say, “Okay then, stay your ass single!” Don’t come to me looking for advice, while also saying I’m not going to change for anyone!! LOL Trust me YOU WANT to know what’s causing you to crash and burn.
The only way you are going to find out what you are doing wrong, is to get it straight from the source! Right now, I can only GUESS as to what you are doing wrong to make girls lose interest. My GUESS is you are getting too clingy. You used the word “smitten”. You said you get too smitten, too fast. It MIGHT be more like, too smothering. Again, I don’t know. MY ADVICE? My advice is to ask these girls what improvements you could make. Be very careful about how you approach them…especially if they are in a new relationship now. Write the girls you have dated and say something like, ” Please don’t take this e-mail the wrong way. I promise I am not trying to re-connect with you romantically. I was just hoping that you could be very honest with me about how I come across in a relationship. I want you to be brutally honest. I want to know if I’m smothering or too weak or if I’m a bad listener…whatever it is, please let me know so that my next girlfriend will enjoy my company.” When they tell you….MAKE THE CHANGE!
I’m sorry, but I have to correct you on something. Those girls that you were in a relationship with that you claim wanted to be with an asshole, WERE NOT looking to be with an asshole. They just ended up with one. They wanted something different than what you had to offer. In fact they might have thought YOU were the asshole. I would call you an unknowing asshole. Here’s what I mean. One of my girlfriends met a guy. They hit of off. They started dating. About 5 months in, she realized, this guy would always dominate the conversation. If she started talking he would just take over and finish her thought. When they were in public, he did the same thing. When people would start to tell their story, he had to talk over them. He would talk and talk and talk and only ask a question so that he could be the expert on the next thing as well. She left him because she couldn’t take it. She never told the truth about why she was leaving. She said, “it’s not you….it’s me!”
NOTE TO GUYS: When a girl says it’s not you….IT IS!!
I guess she could have tried to tell the truth but he’d probably talk right over her, plus I think he was the type of guy that would say, “I’m not going to change for anybody.” That is what we call an unknowing asshole.
I want to say again that you are in good shape. You get girls interested in you. You are able to date them for a while. But, you have to get real with yourself. You are doing something that is annoying. If you can take that brutal honesty from me, go ask for the brutal honesty that will help,you be a more interesting guy to be with for many years!!
Hope this helps!!!
IMYAGirl,
Natasha
Here are some screen shots from Johny D throughout the week in response to comments on this situation on facebook.
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