Dear Natasha,
My question is my girlfriend that I have been dating for almost three years. I moved into her place after 4 months of dating her. About 5-6 months living together, it tuned into a nightmare. I basically became her maid. Our work hours are different. She works in the morning and I work at night. I got stuck doing everything around the house. Laundry, dishes, vacuum, making the bed, making dinner…. Yes Natasha, I did all of this everyday. She would come home and complain about how I made the bed or how I clean the house properly. Ultimately, this relationship ended up with me getting my own place. Now she wants to move into my place. She claims she will never do the things she did to me when I was living in her place.
What should I do?
Scott
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Scott, Scott, Scott,
I hate to say this but you have to take a good look at things. Is this the girl that you want to marry?
USUALLY, things only get incredibly better or incredibly worse as you take steps. You are not alone. Many people take the first step of moving in with someone only to find out that the person they fell for is a bit of a nightmare to deal with in the new situation. I think it’s because they feel they have some new secure ground to stand on. They decide to start arguments or be the boss of everything as if it was their brother or sister from their childhood home.
I’m sure you know what I’m going to say next….the next step wil most likely get worse. If your girlfriend was ready to treat you like her childhood brother or even worse act like your mother, if you marry her, you can multiply that by ten. This is why I ALWAYS suggest to friends to move in with a guy before you even start talking about marriage. You need to know what things are going to be like.
The good news is, if you had a pretty good experience living with someone because they are considerate, willing to share in chores, respectful in arguments (other than maybe one “fuck you”) they will be even more like that in a marriage.
If you are not that serious about this girl I would say stay in your own place…you don’t need the drama. If you are serious about this girl and you are considering marriage you have some SERIOUS work to do first. You have to tell her that you don’t want to be her child or roommate. Tell her you need to think about it first because you are worried. If she gets mad, that’s a bad SIGN. If she understands and really wants to take a second chance at living together, give her another chance, but also give living together it some time before taking the next step. MAYBE she will change. If she goes right back to the bad habits, I’m not sure if this is the path you want to stay on. 50% of all marriages fail! because people refuse to look at ANY SIGNS. They either keep trudging forward or telling themselves that the next step, like marriage and kids is gonna MAKE IT ALL BETTER.
Hope this response helps Scott. You know IMYAGIRL, respectfully,
Natasha
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